Vituko Mitaani

Dear Counsellor, 

I am a single man, 28, from Kabale. I am in love with a lady called Debbie. When I informed her about my feelings, I got no response.  

 

She is above me in terms of status, money and education. I am an illiterate man. What can I do to let her know that I could be her future husband?

Louis

 

Dear Louis, 

At 28, you are probably looking for a life-time friendship that may result into marriage. If you are convinced that she is the one, how do you let her know that you love her?

 

First, Debbie’s status is higher than yours and this is a bit threatening, but you need to move from this stage. First move closer to Debbie’s social circle so that she notices you. You can do this by befriending some of her friends without revealing your intentions.

 

Then, get to know her hobbies, the places she likes and the activities she is involved in. Try to find a way of getting involved so that you can begin interacting with her. This will give you an opportunity to get to know each other.

 

If you can succeed at this point, give yourself time to evaluate what she actually has that you want in a woman, other than the physical appearance. Also, find out if you have what she wants in a man she wishes to be her husband. But do not change to be that man; remain yourself.

 

Should you feel certain that you are her best shot, go ahead and propose to her. Her answer may not be spontaneous, but be patient while you nurture the relationship you have established. 

 

Secondly, begin working on your weak areas. Plan to further your studies, get involved with friends who can give you entrepreneurial skills, confidence and be progressive.

 

You may not change your past, but you can determine your future. Women will easily fall in love with men who show signs of hard work to ensure their future survival than one who promises heaven on earth.

 

Answered by Auntie Anne, a professional counsellor with experience in marriage, family and love relationships.